How to build healthy relationships after toxic ones

You’ve already been exposed to a toxic relationship, but you might not have ever experienced a healthy one. Perhaps you did, but it was so long ago that you’ve forgotten what it felt like. It’s time to remind yourself as you plan to move on with that part of your life. The following characteristics are all non-negotiable for creating a healthy relationship. If any one of them is missing, it’s a problem you’ll need to address.

• Trust: This is probably the single most important characteristic of a healthy relationship. It’s the foundation upon which you can build emotional intimacy. It refers not only to faithfulness, but also to the idea that you can trust your partner to come through for you, you can believe what they’re saying, and you can trust them to work with you to resolve problems. Without trust, your relationship is extremely vulnerable to stress and uncertainty.
• Communication: This is not something that comes easily to everyone, but it’s vital to a healthy relationship. You have to work on keeping the lines of communication open and creating a safe environment for each partner to express themselves freely. Don’t judge what your partner says; accept their point of view with loving understanding and be honest and open in your expression of your needs and desires. That’s the only way for your relationship to remain strong and grow.
• Patience: Everyone makes mistakes from time to time, so be patient and compassionate with your partner. By being patient, you offer your partner peace, flexibility, and support, even when they’re having a bad day. They’ll return the favor when it’s your turn to have an off day. Being patient allows you both to feel unconditionally loved.
• Empathy: Perhaps one of the best ways to understand your partner is to put yourself in their shoes. When you put forth the effort to understand their perspective truly, it fosters a compassionate perspective for understanding their essential humanity. It’s a crucial characteristic for long-term love.
• Affection and interest: Everyone needs to feel loved and desired by their intimate partner. It’s what makes you a couple, so don’t stop letting them know you care. Hug them, touch them affectionately, kiss them passionately, and tell them you love them often. Show them you’re interested in them at the deepest, most intimate level.
• Flexibility: If you want your relationship to last, you must learn to compromise. This doesn’t mean compromising your values, but it does mean working with your partner to resolve problems that arise. You’re sharing a life together, and that requires compromise to make it work.
• Appreciation: Show your gratitude for all the things your partner does for you. You need to say and show it with affectionate gestures. The more you show your partner you appreciate them, the more they will want to do things for you, and the more you’ll want to return the favor. This is how you nourish a healthy relationship.
• Room for Growth: Over time, both you and your partner will change. Your relationship has to allow for both personal and shared growth. Without it, you’ll feel stuck, and that will drive you apart. Work on growing together so your relationship can survive the changes it will inevitably go through.
• Respect: Respect is essential in your intimate relationships. You should never want to debase or belittle someone you love. You should want to validate their emotions and dreams. You should value their opinion, protect each other’s privacy, and treasure the time you spend with them. If you lose respect for your partner, the relationship will soon be lost.
• Reciprocity: Relationships are always full of give and take; he does something for you and you return the favor. He picks up the slack when you’re having a difficult time, and you do the same for him when he’s down. It won’t always work out exactly and equally, but both partners need to believe their efforts will be returned in some way for the relationship to last.
• Healthy Conflict Resolution: The way a couple argues can predict the fate of their relationship. You’ve already experienced a toxic relationship. Going forward, be certain you and your partner practice healthy ways to resolve conflicts. Remember that this is someone you love deeply. When there are disagreements, respect their point of view and work to resolve the problem to the satisfaction of everyone concerned.
• Individuality and Boundaries: You must retain your sense of self in order to create a healthy relationship. You need to have your own space and time to do things that define you as an individual. Set boundaries to ensure you get what you need to maintain your individuality, even as you work together toward your shared goals.
• Openness and Honesty: This is equally critical to develop a lasting relationship. You must be able to tell your partner what you need, like, and don’t like. You need to feel like you can tell them and they will respect your needs, opinions, and desires. A relationship full of deceit simply cannot last.

These are the characteristics that indicate a healthy relationship. There may be more, but without these traits to build a strong foundation, your relationship won’t be healthy, and it likely won’t last.

It’s one thing to know what is required for a healthy relationship, but it’s not uncommon for women who have suffered emotional abuse to have real fear about starting over again. This is particularly true if, like me, you thought you were getting into a healthy relationship when it started. There are a few ways you can get back into the dating world in a way that will make you feel more secure. The key is to take it slow. Don’t jump into a new relationship too fast.

You might try telling yourself that you’re just practicing for a new, healthy relationship. As you get back into the dating pool, it’s important to choose good men who respect and treat you well. When you go on dates, listen to your heart and gut. Be open with your emotions, but if anything feels off to you – if you notice any strange behavior or he suddenly makes you feel guilty at all – it’s time to run away. That is not the man for you.

You want your romantic partner to be your friend too. Many stable, healthy relationships are based on mutual friendship and respect, so take it slowly and let the friendship grow before it blooms into romance. Remember that your previous, toxic relationship developed at light speed, and it was full of a wide range of emotions, a veritable roller coaster ride. You don’t want or need another codependent relationship; you need and deserve to live your life enjoying every moment and having it full of love. By taking it slowly and respecting yourself, I have no doubt that new love will happen to you soon!

I’ll be glad to help you build a new healthy relationship! The short introductory meeting with me you can book here.