Know exactly what narcissists want
Knowing exactly what they want and turning the tables against them is a step in the right direction. You know how they think, but you also need to know what the narcissist wants. You have to know what makes them tick.
- Narcissists Want to Be in Control
It begins with them being the shoulder to lean on; they want to be your go-to person. Their good deeds come with motives. They’re all extra nice at the beginning. The goal is to control. After they’ve earned your trust, the control begins in full swing. Their needs are more important in a relationship; they want to be on top. The moment the other person tries to gain some level of independence or asks for equality, it threatens the narcissist.
- Narcissists Want to Feel Secure
Narcissists love to feel secure. Unfortunately, their security is at the expense of another’s. Their security comes from the following:
1. Being hyped, flattered, validated, and placed on a pedestal.
2. Projecting their insecurities on you through gas-lighting, talking down on you, and hurling abusive words at you.
3. Manipulating you into having to prove to you that you’re worth it and are not a threat.
4. Neglecting your needs, including your time, money, career and so on, so you can be dependent on them.
5. Trivializing your achievements and good deeds
6. When their supply is at their beck and call, and guess what? You are their supply. If you’re no longer feeding their ego or inflating their self-esteem, they move to the next available victim.
7. A preserved self-image; could be through their actions, attitudes, use of words, appearance, status, partners, and any other thing that adds value to them or makes them look perfect to the outside world.
- They Want to Be Seen
Narcissists love to be seen by others as special. So they put up a more presentable and more social front. They also put up some air of dominance to intimidate others into submission and to make others view themselves as lesser than they are. The goal is to mask their insecurities and anxieties. In relationships, their more presentable self is for the general public, while their toxic self is for those closest to them. It’s hard to put up a front 24/7, isn’t it?
- They Want Someone That’s Highly Empathetic
Empathy. Sympathy. People tend to use these words interchangeably. But they have different meanings. A sympathetic person is one that’s moved by compassion to help someone that’s in need. Meanwhile, an empathetic person is someone who is attuned to other people’s emotions. Empathetic people put themselves in other people’s shoes. They study the mood or emotions of another person and act accordingly. Because narcissists crave constant reassurance of their specialness and validation, empathetic people are the perfect targets for narcissists. If empathetic people are not discerning, they get abused by narcissists for a long time.
- They are attracted to Sensitive People
Sensitive people are those that are easily yielded to their emotions. They are sensitive to words and other people’s attitudes or actions towards them. As a result, there’s an extreme expression and outflow of emotions like anger, confusion, depression, feelings of low self-esteem, or guilt. Such individuals are prone to be easily gaslighted because they begin to doubt themselves in emotionally complex situations. Guilt is one emotion narcissists would use against you if you’re sensitive. It’s essential for the narcissist’s need to manipulate and control, using guilt-tripping. A person who is sensitive to guilt will find it hard to leave a narcissist.
If you also encountered a narcissist, then I recommend that you read the book «What Narcissists Never Tell You» and if you can’t cope on your own, I invite you to my consultation-acquaintance at the price of a cup of coffee!
The idea for this article was information from the book «Stop manipulation and narcissistic abuse» Sharon J. Moore
Photocredit: playbuzz
