One day of a successful and strong American woman
I woke up to the incessant buzzing of my alarm; I wanted to smash it! Just another day in paradise, as they say. I took a hot shower and moved through my morning routine in a sleep-deprived haze. I hardly noticed the meticulously organized apartment I live in. I love it. It’s got a beautiful, fashionable decor in my naturally minimalist style. Still, sometimes I feel like it’s missing something.
I thought about how much work had gone into getting to this point in my life. I didn’t have it easy. Yeah, now I have money, and I’m a successful modern woman, but I’m also a self-made woman. It was a long, hard climb to get to this point, and I had to get there without any help from anyone. I put myself through school and had to fight and scrape for every little thing I’ve gotten in life. My parents love me, but they’ve never had the money to help me much, so it’s been all me, baby! But, I did it, and now, I’ve reached a stage in my life where I can finally let go of worrying about where the next month’s rent will be coming from — I’ve truly made it, and I don’t really care what people think about how I did that.
I smiled to myself as I realized my natural defensiveness, but so many people made assumptions, as they tend to do, about my success. Some of my friends and colleagues think I slept my way to the top, whereas others think I’m aromantic or asexual. In all fairness, those in the latter group might have a point; I can’t even remember the last time I had a date, let alone an actual relationship with a man. Let’s see, the last time I was on a date… When was that? I guess it was Kevin, and that was, maybe… perhaps about two years ago. How funny — I didn’t realize that much time had gone by.
You know, I did truly think that Kevin could be the one, but he just couldn’t get used to how I made more money than him. When we started dating, he seemed proud of my success; however, as I became even more successful, he began to get a bit… distant. That’s not the first time I’d had problems with men either — I’ve been told I’m domineering, detached, and I was even called harsh and frigid once! Frigid! I couldn’t believe that one. I think of myself as passionate, but I guess, sometimes, that’s not the part of me that I show to the world. Truth be told, it takes me a while to show that side of myself to a man. I really have to trust him. God, though, two years! Something has to change if I’m ever going to have the family I truly want.
I realized that my internal dialogue — which, let’s face it, is sometimes external too — had slowed me down. I was now running behind. I had to get moving. I had to get up earlier this morning for an appointment with the gynecologist — what a great way to start the day. Nothing like sitting with your legs up in stirrups while the doctor tries making small talk to make you feel vulnerable. I needed to go through because my period had been missing in action for the last two months, and that was starting to concern me. I hadn’t been with anyone — as we’ve established in at least two years — so, unless there was some Biblical miracle on the horizon, I knew I wasn’t pregnant. I was sure it was nothing though. I mean, tons of women are irregular; it’s just that you could always set a clock by my cycle. Still, I didn’t feel bad otherwise, so I was sure it was nothing serious. I sighed heavily as I grabbed my purse and headed for the door. I took one last look around at my lovely apartment; I wish I could put my finger on what was missing.
As I sat up on the exam table, the doctor’s words reverberated through my mind, “You have signs of early onset menopause.” That was unexpected; I never even thought about it. I’m only 37 years old — how could I be starting menopause already? The last 15 years had passed in the blink of an eye. I had focused my efforts on building a successful career, and I had done exactly that. I’m a well-respected attorney and partner in a thriving law firm. I have a 95 percent success rate winning cases; in fact, when I walk into a courtroom, I’m secretly pleased to see the look of fear on the opposing attorney’s face. I don’t like to brag, but my partners at the law firm often describe me as brilliant. I am, at this point in my life, the quintessential and successful 21st century woman. I thought I had it all until the doctor told me I may be unable to have a family.
Now I knew what was missing in my beautiful apartment I was so proud of — the warmth of a family. Suddenly, every part of my life seemed cold and lifeless. My work was my life, but my colleagues only loved me as long as I was making the firm money. And my clients? They all had their own lives to live, along with their own families. I couldn’t believe the intense desire I was suddenly feeling to have a family. I always thought I would be a mom someday, but I just kept putting it off to further my career. I can still hear myself saying, “Maybe in one or two years,” though that was about 15 years ago…
That how started Andrea’s journey to be loved and wanted. If you are wondering how was going her transformation into a happy woman, get the full book here
