What is a Toxic Relationship?
Although you often hear this phrase used nowadays, the reality is that defining “toxic” can be tricky. It’s a subjective term rather than a clinical one, and it can encompass a wide range of unhealthy behaviors. On one end of the spectrum, you might be two people who genuinely love one another, but who also argue a lot. On the other end of the spectrum, the situation could involve physical domestic abuse.
Of course, every relationship has problems, and after the rose is off the bloom, the behaviors of each partner can change somewhat. It’s also true that every couple fights, and that’s not really the issue with regard to a toxic relationship. It’s not a situation of if you fight, but how. In general, in a healthy relationship, the good will outweigh the bad, but in a toxic relationship, the reverse is true; the bad far outweighs the good.
Additionally, if the relationship you’re in is causing you to suffer from depression, hopelessness, or even occasionally suicidal thoughts, you are viewing signs of being in a toxic relationship. They should be your cheerleader and help you achieve your goals in life. That seems intuitive, but it can be hard to discern, so here are some concrete signs you’re in a toxic relationship:
1. Your partner has no friends and doesn’t want you to have any either: Your relationship will be stronger if both of you have friends and other interests outside your relationship. However, a toxic partner is not only just toxic around you; they’re also frequently toxic around other people. The difference is that his other friends won’t stick around for long if they’re treated like that. He also won’t want you to have male friends or even go out with female ones. In fact, he might even demand that you should only engage in activities together. It’s part of an isolation tactic; once you’re isolated from other people, it can become more difficult to see that his behaviors are toxic.
2. Your partner leaves you feeling sick and tired: If you’re truly in love with someone, it will feel like you’re walking on air, right? Unfortunately, with a toxic partner, it can feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Every interaction leaves you feeling drained and anxious. This can even manifest into physical symptoms like a stomach ache, headache, or just feeling generally unwell. If this is something you’re experiencing regularly, then it’s a sign you’re in a toxic relationship.
3. Your partner gets personal: Everyone argues, but in a relationship, the key is in how you argue. If your partner respects you and your opinion, he will disagree respectfully and address the differences of opinion without resorting to personal attacks. If, on the other hand, he attacks you personally or calls you names, that’s not a healthy way to argue. He might resort to name-calling, attacking your values, or even going after your physical appearance. These are toxic behaviors that can damage your relationship each and every time it happens.
4. Your partner wants you to change: Your partner should love you exactly as you are, but a toxic man will want to fix you. They might want you to change your hair color, go on a diet, or even change your job. This is a sign they’re trying to make you into what they want you to be instead of what you want to be. A healthy partner listens to what you want for yourself and helps you achieve your goals, and although each of you would have your flaws, you should work together to improve and inspire one another.
5. He lies even about the little things: Another important sign of a toxic relationship is lying. In most toxic relationships, toxic partners don’t just lie about the big things; they lie about little things too. Lying is a sign of disrespect, and it’s a way of gaslighting you so you’ll doubt your own feelings and experiences. It’s also likely you’ll soon find yourself hiding aspects of your relationships from loved ones or believing you need to lie to protect yourself or others. If that’s happening, you’re likely in a toxic relationship.
I have experienced being in a toxic relationship, and it taught me a lot, and I even wrote several books on the subject. You can read more about toxic relationships in my book «Free Yourself» and «My Toxic Husband».
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