When does love become debt?
When we build relationships with another person, be it friendship or love, we always proceed from the position of a child, we like this person, and we want to communicate with him. We enjoy ourselves in these relationships, and it is straightforward for us to build them at first. It comes from a “want” position.
But later, when relationships become routine, when people get to know each other better, not only from the good side but also from the opposite side, we are faced with a choice because this is no longer the same love that it was before, some kind of debt, due to the fact that there may already be joint children, real estate, etc.
▫️And here, the concept is included: “I owe something to another person.” And when we talk about duty, along with this word comes conscience, morality, and society. Duty is the concept of responsibility imposed on us by our community. Since we are adults and live in this society, we must reckon with these “conscience, morality and duty.”
▫️It is essential to remember that, first of all, when we do or do not do something, it is our choice, just like with debt. You can say that we have to, that someone is forcing us, or you can replace it with “I choose,” “I can,” or “I do”, because, for example, this person and I have joint children, real estate, etc. ., we have known each other for many years.
Much more admirable when it sounds like this:
– I must want to take care of you because I must be worried about you
– I must want to love what you do because I must. Your happiness is essential to me
– I have to be honest with you because I have to be so respectful and loving you
– I must want to help my parents because they must be important, and I need them
▫️This burden on the shoulders, in the form of “I must,” deprives you of happiness and robs you of the joy of life. When we move from the “I have to” position to the “I choose” class, we become the authors of our lives, we become adults who build adult relationships, and then relationships reach a new level!
Love becomes debt when it creates an imbalance in the relationship where one person feels obligated to give more than they receive. This can happen when one partner consistently sacrifices their own needs and wants to please the other, without receiving the same level of consideration in return. In these cases, love can start to feel like a burden or a responsibility rather than a freely given expression of affection.
Love can also become debt when it is used as a bargaining tool or a way to control the other person. This can happen when one person threatens to withhold their love or affection unless certain conditions are met, or when one person uses their love as a way to manipulate or coerce the other person into doing something they don’t want to do.
It is important to recognize when love is starting to feel like debt in a relationship, and to address the underlying issues that are causing this imbalance. This may involve setting boundaries, communicating openly and honestly, and working together to find a more equitable balance of give and take in the relationship.
Have you ever felt a sense of duty towards your partner? What were your feelings when you had to do something for a partner from the “I have to” position?
Photocredit: abc
