Why Are Empaths So Often Targeted by Toxic Men?

Empaths are a common target of those with Cluster B personality disorders. Perhaps it’s because they are opposites in so many ways, and toxic people want to destroy that opposite. In the case of the toxic man, however, the attraction is for all the wrong reasons. Toxic abusers are looking to get the most out of their target – they are attracted to people who will validate their feelings and make them feel good. By that logic, empaths are exactly what they’re looking for.

Toxic men thrive on their need for admiration, but they have no empathy for other people. Empaths are highly sensitive to the emotions of other people. In fact, they’re emotional sponges, meaning they absorb the feelings of other people. To a toxic man, this kind of person can fulfill their every need and will do so selflessly. However, this kind of attraction is also destined for disaster.

In the empath, the toxic man sees someone who is giving and loving, and someone who will be devoted and willing to listen to their problems, needs, and goals in life. The problem is that those qualities aren’t returned. Toxic men are presenting nothing more than a facade – a false self – to the empath. They are capable of seeming charming and compassionate at first, but that won’t last long. Before long, they’ll show their true face, including their cold, withholding, and punishing side. This is something that is very damaging to the empath.

Narcissists and other toxic men often begin to show their true faces when they notice their partner’s flaws. Because these toxic men are full of contempt and self-loathing while projecting a facade of perfection, when they realize their partner is not perfect, they will stop idealizing them and start blaming them. They wanted the perfect partner to make them look good, and a flawed partner can’t do that for them. Although it takes a while to show their true colors, when they do, it can be devastating for the empath.

The empath desires to help and heal people with compassion. They have a tendency to think that if they just listened or gave more to the relationship, their partner would change. They would feel more secure and loved, and that would make all the difference. However, that just isn’t true with a narcissist. Even so, the empath can’t bring themselves to believe that it’s possible for a person to be lacking in empathy, and they can’t believe their love won’t heal them.

For their part, the toxic man thrives on drama and chaos, which is the opposite of what the empath works to achieve. They want harmony and peaceful coexistence. The toxic man desires exactly the opposite of that, making them the perfect target. Narcissists and other toxic men are easily able to manipulate empaths. They string them along with hope by integrating compliments and kindness in their behavior. That makes the empath believe that they can get that loving person they first fell in love with back with good behavior. They patiently try to do just that.

Empaths tend to believe that everyone is human and has flaws, and that belief fuels their patience. Toxic men can see that hope and will often tell them that they really do want to change. This statement encourages the empath to believe that change is possible. The narcissist may even agree to work on their flaws, but they never really follow through on those promises. It’s nothing more than a tactic they use to keep the empathic partner hooked. They know that the empath wants to support and help them grow, but the toxic man is just looking to exploit the situation further.

I have experience of such relationship and therefore if you need help I’ll be glad to help you in my consultation and also recommend you my book «Free Yourself» which I wrote after a relationship with a narcissist.

What do you think, is this true? Have you been an empath in a relationship?

Photocredit: veectizy



Certified Psychotherapist, Relationship coach and Author. Ukrainian

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Elena Miro

Certified Psychotherapist, Relationship coach and Author. Ukrainian